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A short (ish) memoir of a 40 something's random days...

Suddenly I see....

I've always tried to be a good person. Especially of late, I learnt my lesson the hard way, well and truly! I hurt a lot of people doing this….

I made a horrid mistake a couple of years back and got myself involved with a man who used to go out with a friend of mine. I use the term friend a bit loosely as we were never even FB friends, but she was a friend from a place I went and I did betray her by becoming involved with her ex.

I was a mess over my Dad having cancer and he was dying; Not making excuses because there is NO excuse, they only gave him a year and I took it hard in all honesty, my Dad was my rock, my strength and my whole world, I was round there everyday, since I had found out he had heart problems around 8 years ago now, I sold my first shop so I could help him more and took a normal job in a hospital part time so I could oversee his treatments. I would have moved heaven and earth for my Dad if i had of had the chance, he as truly my soulmate! (Not in a weird way, but he was the only man in the world i could rely on and the only person i truly trusted) my Brother wasn't really around much, he was working and had “family” commitments, so me being the daughter I was left to deal with everything alone. To be honest looking back now it was the most stupid idiotic selfish thing I could have done involving myself with this man, especially as his ex; to be honest, even though she was a friend I only saw at a certain place; I should have been more respectful to her feelings, but I wasn't in a good place so when he started calling and with me feeling really lonely and very alone dealing with everything, I ended up chatting to him at night while he was at work, for an hour or at a time; sometimes longer.

I wish wish wish I'd Never ever started talking to him because it caused so much misery for everyone, including myself, I was a terrible friend to that person who considered me a friend, and it caused so much hurt…

Now I'm looking back and seeing that I shouldn't have ever entertained those 1st messages and those calls. I certainly should never have gone and met him… it all turned into a mess! The trouble was I thought I loved this man, this man who caused not only me so much hurt but a lot of other people too, the ex, her family and her friends who all hate me now, and rightly so, I hated me too, for a long time… I still do in some ways, and it's a mistake that can not be erased or eradicated because it's firmly planted in people's minds.. even people who I've become friends with since who have heard things have doubts about me and I guess it's something I will have to live with for making this mistake!

The bloke involved went back to the ex, after making out I was an old slapper who he went to a hotel room with for a quickie! I told the truth and have been blamed and penalised for it ever since, with the others involved still interfering in my life now, causing trouble, warning new friends away from Me! He walks around like he's done nothing wrong and it was all down to me!

People need to remember, it takes 2 to tango and it wasn't all down to me, yet I was the one who stood up and took the blame!

Motto.. don't get involved with a “friends” ex, because it caused so much hurt and heartbreak, it's just all very sad that I actually believed every thing he said and thought he loved me.. how wrong was I? Incredibly! He even said he was going to propose on my 40th Birthday! #suckedin

Well all round, there was a lot of hurt, broken hearts including mine, but I did the right thing in the end, I admitted my part, took the fall and 2 and a half years later I'm still picking up the pieces … probably will forever because people don't let something like this lie…